Spring

I feel it coming. Even though it's cold outside right now, spring is on its way. The days are longer and the sun is warmer. Last week it was in the 70s a couple days. Yep, spring is definitely coming.

Good thing, too. I didn't think I was having seasonal depression, but I think I may have had a touch. Last night in the shower (before dyeing my hair--first time in a long time) I felt really good. Like the water was washing away this weight I've had all winter. Hard to explain, but I felt good. Happy. The kind of happy where you didn't even know you were that unhappy until the happiness comes. Not that I think it was that bad before the happy-revelation, but I noticed a change. Either that or I was having a really good day.

I think part of it has to do with some upcoming changes. One of which is me moving, probably back home for a little while. It's not that I haven't enjoyed living in my apartment, but I think I've been unhappy there. I feel like I have more driving-related stress (even though the commute is shorter) and just stress about the area in which I live. I just don't like it. I miss trees and grass and having a yard. I miss the quiet of the suburbs instead of the near-urbanness of Burtonsville/Silver Spring. I miss living in an area where my car isn't scratched and dented and has stickers and almost a license plate pulled off. Where I can't hear people having an all-day/all-night party. Maybe I'm homesick. I'm definitely town-sick. I miss R-town.

I think I'm also ready to be on my own (well, after living with my parents again and saving up enough money to be on my own, that is). To be able to decorate and live how I want without being second-guessed or judged for my opinions and taste. To be completely and totally myself. Maybe that's what I've missed lately. Being me. Or maybe realizing I don't know all the way who 'me' is. I think living on my own (bout damn time) will help me figure out that last step in determining who I am without relating it to someone. Not someone's friend, or sister, or roommate, or daughter. Just plain old Lauren. I think knowing me apart from those people will help me be a better me with those people, if that makes sense.

And if it doesn't, it's not like anyone actually reads this, so I can pretty much make all the nonsense I want to. It's sort of liberating in a way.

Enough with the self-awareness and soul-searching. Time to pack it in for the day. Never thought this entry would end up navel-gazing. I was just gonna talk about flowers and shit.